Important Skill in Life: Saying NO

August 25, 2009

Do you ever find yourself going in a million directions at once?

Do you ever find yourself being tempted into some new opportunity when you’ve already got plenty of stuff going on?

Do you ever find yourself being really busy, but ultimately not living the life that you want?

Perhaps you need to learn this skill of saying NO.

This thought has occurred to me many times, however just recently I was reminded of it.

See, several months ago, I was actually a regular weekly contributor on a technology radio show. Every Saturday morning, I was on this radio show which was broadcast from 820AM WWBA here in the Tampa Bay area, but reached much of south Florida, all the way down to the Florida Keys. There is admittedly a bit of bragging rights to say you’re on the radio.

But, I quit. And just recently, I was offered another gig doing a Friday morning tech radio show here in Tampa. Once again, I turned it down.

Why?

Why would I stop doing something that others would think is so cool? Why would I stop being involved on a radio show, even though I could pimp my own website on the air every show?

I quit the show because it didn’t line up with my long-range plans. I might run a tech site, but ultimately my goal these days is helping bloggers make a living through their craft. So, becoming known as a computer geek on the radio just doesn’t fit my goals. Not only that, I was committing myself to a schedule. I had to create and prepare content for the radio each week. Guess what that reminds me of? Another J-O-B.

So, I said “NO”. Both to the show I was already on, as well as this latest opportunity which hit me this last week.

I don’t live to work. I work to live.

My efforts these days are primarily to help bloggers. I learned my craft by being a tech blogger. I am and always will be interested in computers and tech. I love that stuff and will continue to write on the subject for my PCMech.com readers. However, my professional emphasis has moved on. And my goals, for now, do not include growing my reputation as a technology guy.

The lesson here is learning to pick and choose your battles. Say YES to those things which further your goals. Say NO to those things which would take you away from your goals, even if that opportunity it enticing.

The ability to say NO without feeling self-doubt is crucial to your ultimate success in whatever you do, because there will always be shiny objects looking to distract you.

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  • Being busy but not living the life I want describes me very well. Too well.

    The conundrum is figuring out what's achievable (say, making a lot of money) versus what's not (e.g., inventing warp drive), then driving towards it.

    I'm not good enough at my main interests (extreme sports) to make a living at it, the market is very small. Maybe that's a limiting belief... I would have to create a market... hrm...
  • gregellison
    I think it is very hard to say no to people. People will ask me to fix their computer but I always say Yes and charge them very little for my time. I work on computers for 40 hours a week or more as a network engineer, so I don't always want to work on other peoples computer when I am at home. I always end up saying yes and just doing it.

    I would think it would be a cool idea to have a blogging radio show?

    Greg Ellison
  • Such a simple concept is so powerful! Confession, I'm guilty! I've been having this same introspective discussion for a couple months now and realize that every open door is not a green light.

    I'm copying your statement and should print this for review next to my phone and email! :-)

    "Say YES to those things which further your goals. Say NO to those things which would take you away from your goals, even if that opportunity it enticing."

    We often don't say NO, because we want to please others. The tradeoff is that we are not true to ourselves. First, however, each person needs to take time to figure out their goals, based off their core values! Sounds like you have done that!

    David, thank you for this post!!
  • Great post!

    This is so true, and so difficult at times. It's so easy to become distracted, particularly online. Every day is a new adventure :-)

    I've found myself fighting for years now, trying to keep my schedule manageable so I can pursue the things I want to. Sooner or later, you'll have to start saying "no" more often if you really want to reach your goals, otherwise, things are always getting in the way.

    It boils down to a tight focus, and it's nice to see that you have that.
  • Great post David. You just helped me make a decision on this project I really did not want to do with one of my buddies, but was feeling obligated because we are friends. I really don't want to do it... so I am just going to tell him I can't first thing tomorrow. Thanks!
  • Emo
    You are right some times we really have to say no for the better. I like what you said, "I don’t live to work. I work to live." Thanks this will be a reminder for me.

    - Acoustic -
  • You do make some very good points, I'll give you that.

    But I also think that sometimes it's okay to say YES to stuff that does not fit well within your goals, but because they will give you a *result* that you will be able to experience something from or take with you to another level or/of something.

    "I don’t live to work. I work to live." <- I like that!
  • Letting go of things that aren't really important is a very good lesson - one that takes a lifetime for some people.

    I am just now learning to say no to things that aren't pushing me to where I am see myself in the future. Although it is hard.
  • Very powerful post, David -- in a very simplistic manner. Really, just say no, more often. I'm so very prone to over-commitment. What it really boils down to is FOCUS! There is amazing power (and money generation, BTW) in a laser focus. I'm working towards that goal of more defined focus and direction.

    Sometimes, you really have to ask yourself, "Is what I'm doing, right now, bringing me closer to achieving my goals?" If the answer is no, maybe that should be your answer, too. :)
  • This is definitely not said enough...saying NO, although difficult sometimes is absolutely necessary. It took me a long time to develop the discipline to turn down requests and opportunities in the interest of my most important goals.

    Thanks for the great post David.

    Phil
  • I Agree with you 100%. Sometimes we feel as if we are obligated to say Yes to everything and really and truly, We AREN'T. In fact, I would even venture to say that we even need to say no to some of the things that do line up with our goals.

    The simple fact is that we can't do EVERYTHING. If we did, it's very easy for us to get burned out on even the things that we love.

    The goal shouldn't just be to make it to the top. In my opinion, it's also great to have FREEDOM.

    Thanks for this article, it's a good reminder. I need to brush up on my "No-saying Skills" :D
  • Beautiful post, David!

    Throw a health problem into the mix, along with a full time job and a business one is growing on the side, and the power of "no" becomes crucial!

    I'm still saying "yes" to a lot of things, but I'm much more picky about those things, and they all move me toward my goals. (I still have to work on over-committing, but I've come a long way and weeded out a lot of the chaff.)

    Cheers!
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